“I am just the way I am!” I hear this sentence quite often, actually also in the seminar. Often still accompanied by the after-sentence “…and others must accept me so!” (or similar)
Of course, the phrase is often meant to express one thing: self-confidence. To be able to accept oneself, to be at peace with oneself, to not bend for the expectations of others – to be able to do that is incredibly valuable and deserves all respect.
And yet the sentence also often makes me think. Because what is also expressed here is what we call a “static self-image ” – “I am the way I am and that’s the way I stay!” The danger in this inner conviction and attitude is that critical feedback, for example, tends to be seen as an attack on one’s own (whole) person. And that people tend to have to prove themselves all the time: because, if we all have a certain personality or a fixed intelligence and moral firmness, then surely we should prove that we’ve got a fair amount of it.
With the dynamic self-image, on the other hand, the inner attitude is different. Namely, “I am many. I can change.” Critical feedback can then be seen more as an opportunity to discover new aspects in the self-image and to develop further. This basic attitude enables people to develop further precisely when they are faced with major challenges.
The belief that it is possible to develop certain skills awakens in us an enthusiasm for learning.
Why should we keep proving to ourselves how great we are when we can be even better?
Why should we hide our weaknesses when we can overcome them?
Why should we surround ourselves only with friends and partners who keep affirming us, instead of those who spur us on to develop?
Why always take the beaten path instead of those that allow us to overcome our limitations?
A passion for pushing boundaries, even when things don’t go according to plan, is the sign of a dynamic self-image.
So the next time someone says with conviction, “I am the way I am and that’s the way I’m going to stay!” it should at least be reflected upon: Is there someone standing in front of us with really deep self-confidence? Or has someone possibly nestled very comfortably in their static self-image?
By the way: To stand by oneself and to be able to accept oneself does not exclude to stay flexible at the same time, to change, to discover oneself anew.
Therefore: let’s stay dynamic!
Contribution by Johanna van Staa,
Senior Consultant of CEVEYCONSULTING GmbH
#self image #personality development #ceveyconsulting #learning enthusiasm
